Last night I had the opportunity to watch the Amy Winehouse documentary.
As an artist, it blew me away. I’ve been so lost for such a long time in terms of my music, but watching her struggle and fight for her voice as a musician and vocalist brought me back to why I started.
I connected with that 16 year old Anabel in the church choir who so badly wanted to sing anything having to do with Selena. I connected with that 8 year old Anabel who boldly told her father that she didn’t want a birthday party that year, that she wanted piano lessons. With that Anabel who wrote her first song at the age of 9 years old and excitedly showed it to her mother, only to be told “it wasn’t THAT bad.” With the Anabel who wanted to play the flute in junior high school only to be handed a violin. The Anabel who could sing a song back to you only after hearing it once. Who hated music composition class in University because she hated being told how a song SHOULD be written. A girl who started singing professionally at the age of 18. A girl who was fearless and who knew exactly what her destiny was.
Somewhere along the lines I drank the “responsible adult” kool-aid. Once I graduated from high school it seemed like the right to follow my dreams vanished because I was no longer a dreaming teenager but had to be a responsible adult. Life ate away at that girl and she began to vanish and was replaced by a mere shadow. No supporters to be found. Many people with opinions about my life. My voice slowly got silenced.
I know I can’t turn back time.But if I learned anything from Amy is that an artist’s greatest tool is their pain. That’s where the best music comes from and boy do I know pain. That’s my starting point. That’s the path that’s going to lead me back to that Anabel who believed in her music and was sure of her destiny. Opening up old wounds is going to be hard, but I have a feeling there’s going to be a lot of healing on this journey back to my music. I hope you’ll all come along for the ride.
PS Special thanks to my friend Samara Day for sitting through the movie with me <3